"Which status are you: 'Wife or 'Desperate Wife'?"

I think it is fair to say that each lady is either in or has been in both these categories, if not still in either one today.

So let me explain what I mean by the two status: 'Wife' and 'Desperate Wife'. The 'Wife' (W) status: She is a lady that already has the mindset of a wife, she is not married as of yet, but is prepared to be. Everything is in order and she really knows how to take care of others, whilst not forgetting about pampering and taking care of herself.  She graces each day with a better perspective of knowing and believing each day is a going to be good and God's plans for her life is the best to come. She has PATIENCE and is content with where she is and where she is heading.

Then you have the 'Desperate Wife' (DW) status: No she is nowhere near the stereotypical TV sitcom 'Desperate Housewife'  but she is also a lady too, however the word 'desperate' says it all. Any man that shows her any attention she already is trying to marry him in her head before he even establishes that he likes her.  She rushes to confess her interest in him which then comes across as being too forward, which then makes her questions her identity and true beauty 'I'm I not good enough?' but bottom line is that she is one of the loveliest persons around, she is good enough, but her focus is in the wrong place. The only thing that lets her down is that she is INPATIENT.

Confession Time:
I can boldly say in the 29 years of my life I have fallen into both categories the thought now of being a DW makes me laugh today because I can only imagine the guys who clearly saw the desperation sign over my forehead and ran miles away....lol, I can laugh now, because I am finally over that stage in my life....Yesssss Lord. But I do remember when my brother used to school me on guys and say that ' a guy can actually see/smell a women's desperation from the unconscious and conscious signs she feeds off to him'.

So ladies, my question for you today is this: Which title do you currently stand under? And why?

If I have learnt anything from being under the DW  status, it would be this: desperation doesn't do nor give you any righteous justice to your single status or completion, it only keeps you hanging, neither does it take you far. You can either be welcomed with rejection, bad relationships or even low self esteem all because you reached a point where you entertained everybody and anybody just so that you can hear - I love you, I like you or I want to marry you. How do I know? Because I've been there. But guess what? It just don't work like that and doesn't have to be that way. No relationship forced will stand successfully.

The reality about it all is this, in my opinion, a guy will know what he wants and when he wants it, especially when it comes down to being a leader, choosing whom to love, being married and then becoming a dad.
So a bit of advice, if he likes you, he is possibly just saying, it will be nice to get to know you at first, then from that who knows what happens next. If you are patient like the W status, you will find out that he now wants to date, court and then marry you, especially if you both 'click'. Otherwise you move on, keeping hold of your self worth.

Who remembers Jagged Edge song 'wifey'? Takes you back to the old school tunes doesn't it? Well, the reason why I mention this song is because if you read the lyrics, it actually goes beyond men just finding the right person, even from a guys perspective. ' ....Always stood right by me, making lively, lively, Highly spoken of, My only love, the only one, you're my wifey, make my life complete sweet.....
These above lyrics didn't mention 'nagging, arguments, desperation, insecurity'. For this reason I believe being under the W status is to say each day when blessed with that significant other/companion is to truly understand them, you are stating that you are willing to stand by him and as a wife you are willing to be his help mate as Christ stated in: Genesis 2:18.

But also remember being in the mentality of a W even before you officially get the title through marriage can sometimes be mistaken for a lady trying to act like someone's mother rather than a partner or friend. Therefore at this stage I believe a balance and clarity needs to be established.
To be in a W, states: ' I haven't got time for games nor have I got time for 'random's'; my head is screwed on, I am pressing forward even if my husband is not in front of me at the moment, life does go on, I know my worth, beauty and identity and it is all founded in Christ. I am precious and I await for the man that will clearly and faithfully see it all, beyond my attractiveness (wink), this is otherwise known as: NOT settling.

You might feel lonely at times and this feeling is especially felt when under the DW status. But instead of trying to fill this gap with other 'random' men and things, why not fill it with God's unconditional love? Because the reality of it all is that you don't need a man to truly be happy.

Now before you try to bite my head off on that last sentence, here me out. Don't get me wrong I am not trying to say that you should throw your hands up in the air and start singing 'Independent Women', because I am quite sure all those who used to throw their hands  up singing that song, had their man right beside them... so before you start following them, walk your own path and don't be crying why am I still single and lonely.

All I am saying is this: "There is a hole that we women need to fill in our hearts before we can date or marry any man. That hole cannot be filled by any man, but God. Once you allow God to fill this hole, He will start to fill it with His unconditional love and grace, then I believe He will seal it with the RIGHT man who you can finally call your companion where you both can complete each other.  - I am pretty sure this could be said the same for men too?"

Therefore ladies no matter how long it may feel you have been single for, keep preparing yourself as a Wife rather than a Desperate Wife, so that when your husband does see you, he will not have to look twice and run away, but he will spot your true beauty and worth and Christ will open his eyes and heart further to see how precious & priceless you are just as Christ sees you.

So to close this blog: Would you say all the above is a fairytale? Sounds like it doesn't it? But the truth is that its reality if only you see it in this way. There are may beautiful marriages to be a witness of, despite what you might hear of in the divorce courts.

Ladies, you just have to believe that one day, that GREAT and Awesome, Unbelievable day, God will move SUDDENLY on your behalf and you will be able to celebrate your great days of dating someone special towards becoming married.

So lets say a big bye bye, so long farewell to the 'Desperate Wife' status and say a BIG hello to the 'Wifey' status grounded in Christ. Remember you might not be all 110% there yet, but know that you are so on your way.

Keep Being Beautiful

By: Faith Dore

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