"Oh You Single Women"

Where do I begin?

To me this subject is always a sensitive one. This topic along with other subjects was discussed in my church Pastorate (Bible group) a few days ago and yes we had a few people (women) ask majority of the single, dating questions. Surprise, Surprise.

See the thing is, what does being a single woman actually mean?

To me, being single means not married yet. Then you might ask, what about Dating? Dating means, being interested in someone who might potentially become your partner, that is to say you ‘like’ them; if not you move unto the next one (this can be very dangerous). But Biblically speaking, dating didn't exist. Plain and simple. Therefore I go back to my first example: Single means ‘NOT’ married.

Being single for me has had its lows & highs. I write this blog not only from my experiences but also from observation.

I’ve had my share of ‘dating’; I’ve even been close to being married at one point. But at the end of the day, something was clearly Wrong or Missing.

Wrong in regards to my perspective on being in a relationship & settling, and Missing in regards to trying to fill a void a hole that I had not even known about, which truly no human could really fill but God. It took me a long while to see this, but thank God I now do.

It’s good to hear about stories like Ruth and Boaz, or how Esther prepared herself for a year in the Bible for the king or let’s bring it home to people we know or know off that have this amazing relationship (courting or married), but really the question is, who are YOU and why do YOU want to be in a relationship (married)? This same question number 2 was asked to me. It made me stop and really think. And that’s just it, we need to stop and think, rather than being lead by our emotions or by what we see.

So I ask you the same question: Who would you say you are? And why do you want to be married?

For a while I thought I knew it all about relationships (marriage) but clearly not! Thank God for blogs like Heather LindsayPriscilla Shirer, and Stephanie Sims they help shine a clearer light into this area. The most important part for me is that most of them speak from experience; they give little samples of their journeys regarding how they felt when being single and now married.

Growing up in my family, this wasn’t a subject really discussed, so it was easy to be influenced by what you heard outside. My parents had set the standard for what I was to do and not to do as a single girl. But either way, anything that was not marriage was WRONG! Yikes, in my teens, I just didn’t get it at all. For some of you this might be the same case. But I am here to tell you, don’t believe the hype. Really read about singleness and what God has for you.

In my 4-5months away from work, still being in my single state of mind. I had battles with self worth, beauty, being accepted and asked that famous question: Will I ever be loved, after a 2 1/2 relationship break up.

But the redeeming thing about these months is that in my hurt, pain and search for answers, I cried out to God and He comforted me and showed me how I needed to know who I was first, love Him, and who I was and then I could really know how to love others. This was a challenge for me as I didn’t know where to start. All I knew at this point is that I was truly loved by someone and that was God. I spent time in prayer, reading and just thinking (meditating) on everything.

Before this, I had read so many books, websites and listened to even talks about this subject. And to be honest, I remember driving with my cousin and saying I give up, really I do, I don’t want to talk about this any more  Where are the guys, what’s going on? No matter what she said to reassure me, I had enough. My head was hurting at the thought of it and it became a burden.
Yet in the mist of all the confusion came resolution. Somehow I got to the point of really understanding who God created me to be, what I should be looking for in a husband and what my role should be as a single lady and as a soon to be wife.

See the thing is, we always see the wonderful courting or married relationships out there, but as Heather Lindsay will tell you, ‘there is work you still need to do in married life on yourself and also with your husband. There are fun times. But there are also difficult times, but its how you deal with it becomes the outcome’ (positively or negatively). ~ (paraphrased.)

Therefore I read more on how I can become a better person, a great wife to be. I now pray for my husband to be, wherever he may be in this world. But at the same time I do not settle. I have my lonely, longing days. I even have my cry outs to God, please don’t forget me days. But until I meet that handsome guy wherever he may be, I know I need to fall deeper in love with Christ so that I am not lead astray in the wonder of the world’s naive mindset and be hurt again. But I stand confident in the hope that my husband will respect the lady of integrity that I’ve become.

Sometimes you just have to see your vulnerable actions, thoughts or emotions and confront it head on. And in confronting, you will feel like it’s the hardest thing to do, but listen girl, you’ll be victorious at the end of it all!

Be single and proud, embrace it, use each opportunity to celebrate who you are and reach the places you are called to reach. And when that special someone comes along, don’t shut them out, give them a chance. And I pray it will all work out for good.

Keep being Beautiful

Faith Dore

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